Friend, or Frienemy?
So…lately, I’ve been going through some stuff. It’s not really something that I want to go ahead and put out there on the internet with my name all over it. In fact, it’s something I’ve been ignoring as much as I can.
My own blog is covered in dust sheets at the moment, waiting for me to feel a bit more myself. I don’t want to go scribbling my woe all over it, it’s not that kind of place.
Anyhow. The stuff going on is pretty big for me. Compared to some other people’s stuff perhaps not but for me it’s major.
I’ve not told many people about it. Two friends back home in the UK (who just want me to fly back this second), my 4 close friends here (I wasn’t going to tell them but I got drunk and cried, as I do) and another friend here…plus a few ‘online’ friends who have been a very good ear for me to chew….
Anyhow…the reactions of two people have surprised me. The one person who I’m not all that close to here has in fact been brilliant, taking me for coffees and crepes and letting me moan about it all. Saying I can call her any time, even in the middle of the night and generally being pretty ace.
Then one of, well let’s say my closets friend here….well she’s been a little useless. I know she has her own stuff going on…she has a new job and a date with a rich guy and an ex who she still likes….but I’ve not seen all that much of her. We’ve had a few drunk nights out…but that’s about it….oh apart from messages asking what she should wear on her date. No girly shopping, no ‘let’s pop out for dinner’, no ‘I’m in town let’s go for a coffee’…kind of nothing.
I’m well aware that I’m over-sensitive, especially when it comes to friends. I know I’m pulling back from everyone, getting quiet, retreating back into myself. I take offence easily and get hurt even more…. my Mum says ‘well just ask her instead of waiting for her to ask you’ but really, as I see it, that’s not the point. She knows what is going on. She’s seen me upset. She knows how hard this is for me. I really need to get out, I need someone to drag me out of the house, to pull me out of the spiral…yet she’s not there. And that disappoints and upsets me.
I miss my friends back home. I feel like a bitch. I feel lonely.
secretladygarden
pinkjellybaby
Fabulous
smidge
narcisisticsanonymous
I don’t know what’s happened but I’m always here if you need a friendly ear to bend.
When I went through my break up earlier in the year the people I expected to be there for me really… weren’t. No nights out, no phone calls, nothing. But a couple of people that I didn’t think I was that close to were really there for me.
I think sometimes the people you’re closest too don’t ‘step up’ because they think you know they’re there if you need them. For me though, I hate feeling like a burden and would much rather they’d just be the proactive ones! I don’t like having to say ‘i need a friend right now’, I just want them to be there!
Thank you…. I know that some people just aren’t very good at ‘stepping up’ aren’t very sensitive to other people or just not very good at knowing when someone needs them…but still…it’s kind of obvious in the situation..it’s not like I can hide how bad it is for me…
I’ve had this before with some people, I feel like I’m constantly there for them and I know when there’s something up, but they never do with me. None of my friends of 12 years knew I was depressed before…I would have though it was obvious, but of course I was hiding it. In this case I’m not, what’s happening speaks for itself!
Hum, maybe you come across as such a happy person (and you do) that people never know when they actually need to step up. People arent mind readers and sometimes only respond to loud calls for help…
Yeah I get that…and I understand that not everyone gets it but it’s very very obvious that in this situation I really could do with a friend….it’s not like anyone would be ok in the same position.
thanks, i know I’m being cryptic and it doesn’t help..and maybe I will talk about it properly soon but at the moment it’s all a bit muddled and if’s and maybe’s that I’m just not sure of anything myself, and the more people I talk to, the worse I feel…
When my break up happened, I know that I relied on my friends big time. I have to keep reminding myself to be a good friend back and make time for them even though I’m over it now and getting with someone else. Saying that, there were certain friends who would sit and text / take calls from their boyfriend while I was sitting there crying my eyes out over losing mine. I don’t talk to her now. Sometimes even if someone is physically there, it doesn’t mean they’re actually there for you, if that makes sense.
it’s really hard but first, although I don’t know you I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and also not feeling very supported. maybe if you were able to blog it then people (other ppl) would reach out to you? I don’t know.
be kind to yourself too PJB (if I can call you that) and I’m sending you loveliness.
If you ever want to talk about it I’m a pretty good listener.even if you just want to sound off and not talk about the problems itself. I’ve been there with depressioon and have been as low as it gets so I get how you’re feeling and also wioth the friend thing. My friends pretty much deserted me, even when I was in hopistal not one came to visit but I think it was they just didn’t know what to do/say to me
x
thank you x
friendships are strange. you think you are so close to someone and it can be a huge let down when they leave you high and dry. i hope everything gets better
xoxo
when my life went up shit creek this year i really saw who my true friends were. it kinda sucks tht the people i thought i could rely on for life were the first ones to bale when the going got tough but at least now i know who to call for a pick me up!
but i think your mom is right too. yes you are going through this but friendship is a 2 way street and sometimes you gotta make the effort
When you go through a hard time, you really learn who your good friends are. I’m sorry that your friends aren’t ‘stepping up’ as you would like, but I am glad that there are people there for you, who you can call at any hour.
Hang in there. If you need to chat, you know where to find me.
xx.