Now there’s a blizzard in between… a moral tale

I’m not proud to admit it but I once spent 4 years in the missionary position. I’m not actually sure how this situation came about, but I do know I was afraid to say anything, do anything to sort it out; it wasn’t always that way.

Lets look at the evidence: My first ‘adult’ boyfriend (8 years older than me, which would normally be considered disturbing and wrong, but I was a very precocious teenager) had a stack of porn nearly as tall as me in the bathroom, the second (at university) had a favourite porn star – because she looked like me; weird seeing yourself on screen, I must tell you. The third: missionary position guy.

As I said i’m not sure what happened. I’m not shy, I didn’t have a sheltered sexually upbringing, far from it; I don’t have a low sex drive, we bedded like bunnies for the first two years, it wasn’t that I didn’t fancy him, we were together 6 years, there had to be something there.

Then it hit me, I wasn’t ever going to be the girl that swung from the rafters, I was white cotton, vanilla, boring, plain and safe, the boys that had gone before made me uncomfortable, this was the way it should be. I had found my sexual niche.

But then the sex stopped completely. I just couldn’t find the confidence to change it. I blamed the situation on myself; I thought my sex drive had dried up; that this was my sexual future. I think I even accepted it.

Then something changed, a flash in the pan relationship questioned my bed beliefs and resulted in a kind of awakening, a ‘it’s not me, it was him’ epiphany. I always took the lead from the guy, if a guy was confident, then I was confident: I took the lead from the set level of slutty behaviour. Sex was all about the man, not about me. (I’m surprised I even managed an orgasm). Flash in the pan boy had somehow realised this and brought out from under the white cotton, whilst maybe not a sex siren, but someone able to take control of her own sexual serendipity.

And the moral of the story? By a vibrator.

Mwah

Kx