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Mojo

by Miss*H

Hey! I’m miss*H and you might recognise me from over at my blog but today I am going incognito over here as it seems a more appropriate place to post this rather on my blog with lurking men plus my significant other who likes to have a nosy every now and again.

I’m hoping you can help me all out here as I’m not sure what else to try and Mr W (the oh) gets defensive every time I bring up the subject of our dwindling sex life……

Having been together for over 8 yrs now married for over a year of that I would hope we’d still, as the ‘newlyweds’ tag dictates, be at it like rabbits but our sex life has dwindled from rampant, exhaustive, exhilarating 2 times a day to now once every few weeks at a push..but its not just the lack of sex it’s the lack of wanting sex. We both appear to have lost our libido. Maybe it’s that we’ve been together so long that this is what happens as we’ve explored everything there is to explore and now it’s just routine and almost done out of habit rather than need. I know every move and motion I tend not to bother instigating anything as it’s extremely predictable. It’s like we have a dance routine we have to stick to and we never deviate from it. The sex used to be incredible and now its just ‘meh’.

We have toys and games we’ve had for years but even now they have just become part of the tired old routine. Mr W also seems to have accepted that we pretty much have a non existent sex life and says it no longer bothers him…but I think it must. No man wants to go from all the time to never right? I’m sure his right hand has become his new best friend.

I think the majority of the problem is my non existent body confidence. He assures me he finds me sexy but I just don’t believe it. I used to love my body but over the past few years the weight has crept up and I have wobbly bits that disgust me and I no longer feel sexy. I want to feel sexy again..I think that if I do we will both be a lot happier. Men want someone who is confident with their body don’t they?

I also feel the pressure from other couples, magazine and television programmes which sounds ridiculous but they all seem to say that if a couple isn’t having sex their relationship is doomed. Therefore are we passed our sell by date as a couple? Shouldn’t sex still be passionate and exhilarating every time (and more importantly regular)?

How do I get my libido back?

Protected: The ex stalker

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Protected: The Dating Game

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I miss sex less than company

You know, when you think about it sex is a massive part of any relationship. It always has been a part of mine; i’m afraid i can’t stay with someone who doesn’t keep me physically satisfied any more than i could be with someone who was dumb (yeah i’m an intellectual snob get over it).

But now i have been single for getting on for 6 months i find that it’s the other parts of being in a relationship that i miss more than the sweaty bedroom fun. I miss talking, walking, just hanging out with someone who wants to be with me for no other reason than i am who i am. Is this symptomatic of having a smallish circle of real-life friends to hang out with or is it just that with everyone other than a significant other there is an agenda to most meetings?

I miss Sunday morning lie-ins, tea and toast in bed, i miss giggling about things that other people just don’t get. I miss the phone call to ask obscure trivia questions and i miss being ‘got’ by someone.

Then again, given the circumstances of my last 2 breakups i like being single much more than being in a relationship with someone who is too scared to tell me when it’s over and i definitely like being single more than i like being cheated on.

it’s a fine line…how do you know when to cross it and with who?

I will say the only words I know that you’ll understand

Hi, I am the Tambourine Queen.

As of lately I been wanting to find a place where I can blog about love, relationship and sex and it being suitable, where I also can ask my boyfriend not to read, or simply not tell him.

So I thought this is the perfect place.

This will be a bit long post since it also is a introduction for those who never read my blog.

Up untill 7 months ago I was a single woman who for years struggled to find a real relationship. I was expert in self destruction and also my choice of men was not always healthy choice emotionally.  My self destructing path almost destroyed me 2 years ago, but prozac and therapy came.

I had a weakness for musicians and working in entertainment, I met my fair share of rockers, in fact my friends gave me the nickname “the real Penny Lane” for a good reason.

I tell you this much, dating a famous musician will test you in so many ways.  Mostly it left me with not wanting anyone to be too close to me, preferably a long distance relationship to protect my fragile heart.

BUT then Wonderboy came in and everything lifted.

Wonderboy,  a boy from England who turned out to have all the qualities I wanted in a man and the great part is; he was not a tortured artist or musician. In fact he has a normal life.

He showed me what a real relationship is.  From the moment we first spoke we clicked.

After dating 3 weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend in the most romantic way, he got down on his knees and proposed if I would be in official relationship with him.

After 3 months we moved in together.  There is nothing I hide from him, he reads my blogs and encourages me to do so everyday, even though it might be personal. There is nothing I cant ask him and I know details on how many women he slept with down to his sexual behaviour with all his exes and how their relationship was like.

Normally that would not be something I would want to know but because it is so honest and pure and secure it makes us even closer.

Still, I am learning.

This being my first ever real secure relationship I learn everyday and I get lost at times on my own behaviour since my past has not been too normal.

So yeah I do need a place  like SLG to ponder if my behaviour is normal and how to build myself up and tell tales about things I get stuck on in my relationship, I am a master of feeling I dont deserve things.

Right. So that was a short introduction.

So everything has been just beautiful, yet as time passes I feel the fear building up.

See, I know it varies from relationship to relationship. Yet I wonder when is it normal to tell someone you love them?

After 7 months he has still not told me those 3 words, yet I can feel that he does through his actions.

For me, saying “I love you on my cock” does not count.

So why  do I need to hear it so bad when he reassures me of our future? We have time for it all to happen

Maybe because I cant remember the last time a man told me he loved me, well, my ex did 4 months after we broke up but in a more as a friend way, so it doesnt count.

Its becoming harder because there are moments I want to scream it too him yet I refuse to be the first.

Yes, it is stupid but I am old school like that. There is no way I can say it because I am so afraid. My past has made me fear it.

Yet I wish nothing more than just hear him say it, I dont understand why I need that sort when we are happy and live together?

Him not saying it makes me insecure, like he is not sure, and I know LOVE is not just something you tell someone.

I know that because we moved in together so fast, the next big milestone would be

“I love you.”

So maybe he is holding on to that, knowing we are together and happy he doesnt feel its time.

Or simply maybe he doesnt feel that kind of LOVE yet.

Lately this has caused little difficulties because he doesnt get it why when after we argue and make up I am still sad, like I need those 3 words to be a band aid to heal the small scratches.  He asks me what is wrong and it is the one thing I cant give him an honest answer.  I want it to come from him when he is ready without feeling he needs to say because of my need to hear it.

Or am I  honestly asking for too much too fast?

So I ask:

In your relationship, past or present how long did it take for the I LOVE YOU to come out?

Art imitates life, I leave you with the lyrics to the very song I was named after which describes my state of mind.

I love you, I love you, I love you.
That’s all I want to say.
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You’ll understand. My Miche. .

Tambourine Queen

http://siamesetambourine.blogspot.com

Friend, or Frienemy?

So…lately, I’ve been going through some stuff. It’s not really something that I want to go ahead and put out there on the internet with my name all over it. In fact, it’s something I’ve been ignoring as much as I can.
My own blog is covered in dust sheets at the moment, waiting for me to feel a bit more myself. I don’t want to go scribbling my woe all over it, it’s not that kind of place.

Anyhow. The stuff going on is pretty big for me. Compared to some other people’s stuff perhaps not but for me it’s major.

I’ve not told many people about it. Two friends back home in the UK (who just want me to fly back this second), my 4 close friends here (I wasn’t going to tell them but I got drunk and cried, as I do) and another friend here…plus a few ‘online’ friends who have been a very good ear for me to chew….

Anyhow…the reactions of two people have surprised me. The one person who I’m not all that close to here has in fact been brilliant, taking me for coffees and crepes and letting me moan about it all. Saying I can call her any time, even in the middle of the night and generally being pretty ace.
Then one of, well let’s say my closets friend here….well she’s been a little useless. I know she has her own stuff going on…she has a new job and a date with a rich guy and an ex who she still likes….but I’ve not seen all that much of her. We’ve had a few drunk nights out…but that’s about it….oh apart from messages asking what she should wear on her date. No girly shopping, no ‘let’s pop out for dinner’, no ‘I’m in town let’s go for a coffee’…kind of nothing.

I’m well aware that I’m over-sensitive, especially when it comes to friends. I know I’m pulling back from everyone, getting quiet, retreating back into myself. I take offence easily and get hurt even more…. my Mum says ‘well just ask her instead of waiting for her to ask you’ but really, as I see it, that’s not the point. She knows what is going on. She’s seen me upset. She knows how hard this is for me. I really need to get out, I need someone to drag me out of the house, to pull me out of the spiral…yet she’s not there. And that disappoints and upsets me.

I miss my friends back home. I feel like a bitch. I feel lonely.

Sex on the Beach

Hi all it’s Ria.

Let’s start by saying that my imagination is wilder than my actual self.

I’m pretty boring in my answers when people ask me where is the craziest place you’ve had sex. I guess that’s because I don’t ever want anyone to know where my first ‘kinky’ place was. Well that’s not true because I’m going to tell you right now.

When I was 16 I had sex in a public restroom with my boyfriend. It was a fucking (haha) Denny’s. I just gagged a little in my mouth. Do you know how dirty that is? Like germy dirty, not naughty dirty.
We left our friends (including his sister) at the table. In my defense I was 16. After that my lovemaking was a little lame (location wise anyways). That is until my weekend vacation with the husband.

We had brought a big towel and had let the dogs off their leashes down by the shore. There was no one around so we had sex on the beach. And you know what? It wasn’t as magical as the movies make it seem. Obviously, I’m not wild enough to have gotten actually naked, you know it’s about rearranging the bathing suit.

To be honest it was kind of a disappointment. Besides the warmth on the sun on my face it was pretty much the same as always.

Bummer.

What about you? Any good sex locations you want to share? Should I give the much talked about sex on the beach another try?

What women learn from relationships

Strangely a good number of phenomenal women i know have recently gone through or are going through a breakup. From a short term relationship to the annulment of a marriage, for us girlies there is never a good time to get dumped and more often than not we are left wondering if it was something we did or what exactly happened to make the relationship break down so irrevocably.

As women i have come to the conclusion that we are programmed to blame ourselves when a relationship fails, but after speaking to the myriads of women this seems to be happening to all at once i think there might be a non-programmed reason for it happening.

Men Lie!

it’s a simple truth and one that really we all understand but actually when it comes to the reasons for ending a relationship they do it better than they have ever lied about anything.

‘It’s nothing you’ve done’
‘There’s no-one else’
‘It’s not because you put weight on/got thin’
‘it’s not you, it’s me’
‘i just don’t love you any more’

You see the truth that men don’t want us to know in case we (heaven forfend) cause a scene is as follows:

‘You’re changing into my mother and i don’t like it’
‘it’s that girl you thought it was’
‘you don’t look the same and i don’t know how to deal with it’
‘it’s you, and when i say that it’s because it’s really how i see you that’s changed but i can’t acknowledge that in my head because i’m all kinds of awesome so how could i be a fuckwit’
‘there’s a more convenient shag with a better rack’

So why does this happen? Well the predominant reason seems to be that men think if they lie it will get them out of a potentially embarrassing situation where they actually have to discuss their feelings. That and the fact they seem to think that women are too fragile to take the truth and that they just want to hear a platitude that will make it all go away for the man faster.

so what do women do…well unfortunately we don’t really help ourselves because instead of sitting the man down and rationally discussing it, we have that emotional thing (that, you know always happens when something unexpected occurs) and we can’t think of our rational discussion thoughts until later when the man is happily ignoring our calls and congratulating himself.

What can we do to change this? Well i don’t know, you tell me…please?

What are your best and worst breakup reasons and how did you react?

Phenomenal Woman

…for my SLG ladies:

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

by Maya Angelou